Tsumugi (2004)

Tsumugi, aka Sora Aoi is Tsumugi, aka Seifuku bisyojo sensei atashi wo daite has a story somewhere inside it. I swear it’s there…somewhere. What I do know is that for the duration of the film the audience is treated to almost non-stop sexual encounters between a student, a teacher, another student, and another teacher in a twisted love…quadrangle. The audience is also treated to fantastic cinematography and a pretty twisted ending, if you ask me.

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The Sinful Dwarf (1973)

When you pop in a DVD entitled The Sinful Dwarf you pretty much have given up any hope of a legitimate movie and hope to hell that it’s just balls out entertaining, which this was–almost. The plot is ludicrous, the acting is atrocious, the girls are naked, and there are even song and dance routines. What’s not to love? Well, like any exploitation (or in this case, dwarfsploitation) flick, the film has its share of problems, and it helps that some of those problems are so ridiculous that they are part of the reason people like me watch trash like this.

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The Centerfold Girls (1974) – DVD Review

Boobs, gore, boobs, murders, boobs, Andrew Prine, boobs, 70s deco…oh, and did I mention boobs. These are the things that go into The Centerfold Girls, and as an exploitation flick, this movie doesn’t disappoint. A psycho killing off centerfold models may sound a bit overdone, but there’s something about The Centerfold Girls that entertained me to no end.

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A Lonely Cow Weeps At Dawn (2003) – DVD Review

So, I got this disc in the mail as a screener for Pinky Eiga. I was a bit hesitant to watch it at first after reading the synopsis (read on for that), but after watching it I can say my fears were crushed and I had a blast. It plays out somewhere between a softcore comedy and a family drama that goes horribly off the deep end. What I was left with was an entertaining flick that kept my eyes glued to the screen for its entire (short) running time.

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Petey Wheatstraw (1977)

Whenever someone talks about a Rudy Ray Moore flick they usually bring up Dolemite, The Human Tornado or Disco Godfather. I’d like to throw another film that stands up with the aforementioned flicks, Petey Wheatstraw. Aka Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil’s Son-In-Law. Rudy Ray Moore, once again, owns the stage, takes names and hands out beat downs like nobodies business. Yet, the story has an amusing little twist that will keep you entertained until the screen cuts to black.

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Sexy Battle Girls (1986) – DVD Review

Where do I begin with a flick like Sexy Battle Girls, aka Nerawareta gakuen: seifuku o osou? It’s safe to say you can guess what you’re going to get when you pop this DVD in, but what you can’t be sure of is just how ridiculous things can get. Nudity, sex scenes, oddly entertaining fight sequences, weapons that would make Batman jealous, ridiculous dialogue, and an ending you have to see to believe make this parody a quick, but entertaining, trip into the world of Pink cinema.

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Female Convict Scorpion: Jailhouse 41 (1972)

There’s something to be said for the Female Prisoner series of films. The first film, Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion, set a high bar for the films that followed. It seemed that director, Shunya Ito was up to the challenge as he crafted Female Convict Scorpion: Jailhouse 41, aka Joshuu sasori: Dai-41 zakkyo-bô. Once again the audience follows Matsu (the incredibly talented, and beautiful, Meiko Kaji) as she seeks revenge for false imprisonment.

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Malabimba (1979)

Malabimba is one of a bunch of rip-offs that flew out of the woodwork to cash in on the craze brought on by the possession hit-film, The Exorcist. Only, this time, it focused on a horny teenage girl instead of a young, innocent child.

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Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Many films try to push the envelope of human decency. Most fail because they end up looking terrible or they’re just boring (Murder Set Pieces, anyone?). Not since Dead Alive (Brain Dead for all you horror specialists) has a film come along and basically trashed your senses with ridiculously over the top gore every step of the way as Tokyo Gore Police.

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The Teacher (1974)

Coming of age stories usually make for rather interesting films. The audience can instantly relate with the protagonist as they fight to overcome the awkwardness of growing up. These guys couldn’t leave their adolescent fantasies back in their teenage years. Oh, no. The Teacher is a film about “what if” one of those fantasies you had came true.

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1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)

Apocalyptic films were all the rage back in the exploitation heyday, and don’t really stand the test of time today, but I’ll be damned if they don’t fall in the “So bad, it’s good” category. 1990: The Bronx Warriors is one of the many films that fell into this category, and what a cheesy fun ride it was. The first thing anyone today would notice is that the film is set in 1990 and apparently New York has gone to shit. Well, that clearly hasn’t happened, in real life (or has it?) and right off the bat you know this film’s going to be cheesy goodness, and it doesn’t disappoint.

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Foxy Brown (1974)

So, many of you have read enough of my reviews (hopefully) that you’re getting a feel for the exploitation genre as a whole (hell, I hit enough subgenres anyway), and sometimes it may feel as if the women are just in the films to add some breasts and get killed. That’s not (always) the case. No, no. In fact, Jack Hill (Coffy, Spider Baby) had one of his most well known films with blaxploitation goddess Pam Grier (Coffy, Black Mama, White Mama, Scream Blacula Scream) called Foxy Brown. If you haven’t heard of this flick before, or haven’t ever seen a blaxploitation, this (or, Coffy) would be an excellent place to start.

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Chained Heat (1983)

There are Women in Prison films, and then there are women in prison films. Chained Heat may be THE women in prison film. Not only does the audience get all of the parts of a WIP film that they expect (random nudity, abuse from the guards, corruption, etc), but also, a treat. A real story! That’s right. Someone thought that they might be writing a legit film, because I’ll be damned if there isn’t a decent double/triple backstabbing going on in this flick.

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Savage Streets (1984)

What sets it apart from other films in the genre, is that it relishes in its 80s cheesy goodness. It came out in 1984 and it shows. Some of the outfits are straight out of a Richard Simmons work out video, and can someone please tell me where gym class involves girls dressing up  like they’re in an 80’s aerobics video and then having completely nude shower fights? I’m going back to school. Linda Blair, all grown up, shows us that she should stick to being a possessed demonic chick. The streets are dangerous, but when you’re part of this clique, the night fears you!

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Raw Force (1982)

Let’s go over a few sub genres of exploitation films. You’ve got your zombie flicks, kung-fu crazies, cannibal movies, sexploitation, japsploitation, B-action films, disaster reels, naziploitaion, animals run amuck, and straight torture movies (OK, there’s tons more, but for the sake of this review, let’s just go with these shall we?). Next, take all of the above styles of film, toss in a blender, add in a pinch of terrible acting and a dash of complete ridiculousness and what do you get? Well, you’d get Raw Force, a film that defies the odds by mixing so many different styles of film that it is both the most over-the-top cheese you’ll ever witness, but is completely hated by cinephiles that only enjoy the most proper, well-put together films. In my opinion, Raw Force is up in the top tier of “So-good-it’s-bad” filmmaking along with Troll 2, Burial Ground, and Humanoids from the Deep.

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Hell Ride (2008)

Arriving a little over a f@#$ing year after the box office flop Grindhouse, Larry Bishop’s Hell Ride has the f@#$ing nerve to try and crash the homage party, with a clusterf@#$ of an end result. Desperately trying to be a f@#$ing exploitation film in the same vein as biker cult-favorites The Losers and The Wild Angels, Bishop managed to take every f@#$ing element of a so-bad-its-f@#$ing-good movie and cram it into one f@#$ing 83 minute motorcycle riding montage.

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Alley Cat (1984)

One of the greatest revenge flicks ever made was 1974’s hit Death Wish. Charles Bronson was a master, doing what he did best; kicking ass and taking names. Well, ten years later we were blessed with a rip-off of the highest quality called Alley Cat. Alley Cat takes the story of Death Wish, and tosses everything good out the window. Gone are the amazing chases, heart-pounding suspense and overall hope the audience had that Bronson would get revenge for those he loved. Nope, in Alley Cat we get horrible acting, piss-poor production, a pathetic story and some of the worst lines since the end of Spider-Man 3. And, for some reason, I can’t get enough of Alley Cat.

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The awesomeness that is Alley Cat (A fight scene):

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Violated Angels (1967)

As a new fan of Koji Wakamatsu, I was really interested in checking out what seems to be his most well-known and controversial film outside of Japan, Violated Angels. Also of note is that the film was inspired by the Richard Speck murders, which happened just one year earlier. I can’t really think of many films that were made so quickly after tragedies like this, but Wakamatsu is definitely not one to shy away from controversy. While the film is effective in what it sets out to do, I find it pretty disheartening if this is indeed his most well-known film outside of Japan, as it unfortunately lacks the artistry that makes many of his other films more than just mere exploitation flicks.

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Simon, King of the Witches (1971)

Simon, King of the Witches is kind of like that friend that is so ridiculous that you keep him around just to see what stupid shenanigans he’ll try next. The plot boils down to a warlock wants to use his powers to join the gods he worships so he can watch over the planet. That’s it. What we get is something that I’m sure screenwriter Robert Phippey (a practicing warlock, hence what the movie’s about) was not actually trying to attain; one of the funniest films I’ve ever seen. This film falls into the “So-bad-it’s-good” camp, joining the ranks of such films as Humanoids From the Deep, Troll 2, and Hollywood Blvd. I mean, I haven’t laughed as hard as I did during Simon in a long, long time. I think I started to cry.

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Don’t Deliver Us From Evil (1971)

I’m a big fan of Peter Jackson’s Heavenly Creatures. I feel it’s one of the most overlooked films of the 90’s, and a turning point in Jackson’s career. After having seen it, I became really interested in the true-story behind it, one of two girls whose lives were so mundane and boring that they needed to create a fantasy world with one another to make it through the day, and would even resort to murder to keep their imagined world whole. So imagine my surprise as I was watching Joël Séria’s Don’t Deliver Us From Evil and noticing many similarities. A quick Google search confirmed that Don’t Deliver Us From Evil is indeed loosely based on the same story. That alone would make it a pretty scandalous film for 1971, but add in all of the anti-Christian sentiments and teenage temptresses and you have a film that would still ruffle many feathers today.

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The Embryo Hunts in Secret (1966)

I was so impressed after watching Koji Wakamatsu’s Go, Go Second Time Virgin that I’ve really made a point to seek out more of his work as well as read up on him as a director. Firstly, the man was a workhorse, much in the vein of Takashi Miike, making well over 35 films a decade in the 60s and 70s (including a dizzying 20 between 1963 and 1965!). He was also firmly entrenched in making films on his terms and in his own way, going so far as bailing on a lucrative contract with Japanese studio Nikkatsu when they handled his first foray into the Pink genre poorly, due to fear of retaliation from the government. So he decided to self-finance his films, creating his own Wakamatsu Studios, and The Embryo Hunts in Secret was its first production. Wakamatsu obviously knew what was good for him creatively, because more than just having a cool title, The Embryo Hunts in Secret is a claustrophobic nightmare that regardless of being his first foray into independently produced cinema is just as effective and assured as his later work.

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Go, Go Second Time Virgin (1969)

I’m going to kick off this review with a little story I’m sure two of you may give a crap about. About eight or so years ago, I was insanely excited to see a film called Kichiku: Banquet of the Beasts. Multiple reviews stated it was nasty, depraved and disturbing. In other words, something I’d probably like. I finally saw the film a couple years later by importing a disc that cost me upwards of $50. I hated the film. These same reviews cited the films of Koji Wakamatsu as a clear influence on the film. Now I never listen to anyone else’s opinions on film, but I honestly was so annoyed with Kichiku (partly due to the $50 I wasted, I’m sure) that I steered clear of any Koji Wakamatsu films I had the opportunity to see. That was until yesterday, when I watched Go, Go Second Time Virgin. I now realize I should have been my usual self and not been influenced by others, as what I saw was something unique and compelling, from a visionary director that I now find the need to get much more familiar with.

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Slaughter Hotel (1971)

So, I decided I’d left Slaughter Hotel sitting on the shelf long enough and that it was time to check it out.  Just judging by the cover I figured what I was in for was blood letting, large knives, a glove wearing killer and some nudity.  I was close.  Make it some blood letting and TONS of nudity, subtract anything but the barest of plots and you have Slaughter Hotel.

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School of the Holy Beast (1974)

School of the Holy Beast, for me, is one of the greatest achievements in exploitation cinema. Not only did it have an amazingly over top revenge story, but it was shot in a way that Bava and Argento would be proud of. It’s a simple story told in an extraordinary manner. It features everything an exploitation fanatic would look for (nudity, gore, anti-religious undertones/overtones), but in such a way that it works better because it’s a nunsploitation film.

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Astro-Zombies (1968)

With a title like Astro-Zombies, how can you go wrong?  Let me tell you, I didn’t even know that a film could screw up such an insane idea, but you learn something new everyday.  Let me get this out of the way.  Exploitation movies are not know for their amazing stories, solid acting or speeding pace, but they are known for being ridiculously entertaining for all the wrong reasons.  Well, Astro-Zombies gives us a ridiculous cast, horrible acting, and overall sh*tty everything.  But, what made it not work in a it’s-so-bad-it’s-good way, was the pacing. God,  I had to fight to make it through this film.  It only gets 3 for reasons I will explain later.

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