Wyvern (2009)

According to Wikipedia, a wyvern is ‘a legendary winged reptilian creature with two legs often found in mediaeval heraldry.’  So, how could a film about a giant monster killing people not be good? Well, by pulling a SyFy channel special approach (complete with shitty CGI monster) and mashing together bits of The Fog and The Mist (more on this later). Wyvren also should be given credit for the most convenient and out of place monologue I’ve seen in a long time. What you get when you pop this bad boy in is nothing short of a late night cheesefest that would go down great with a few drinks.

Rating:

For those of you that really care enough to read this part, here goes: Wyvern is about a small town near the coast under siege from a giant, flying reptile, AKA a wyvern. You get your usual petty town squabbles, competition for love (because everyone knows that small towns only have one good looking woman and then a bunch of fat, overweight, old chicks), and enough stupid redneck stereotypes to make Larry the Cable Guy blush. Looking for originality? Look elsewhere.

A bit earlier I mentioned that Wyvern mashed together bits of other movies; well, let’s look into that shall we? Now, I’m going to use mostly The Fog, but it’s been done in other films as well. Small coastal village? Check. Young woman giving exposition through a radio station that she runs? Check. An event that ‘has to happen’ when it was scheduled? Check. (There’s probably more, but those are the ones that jumped out at me.) In this movie, the event is a town cookout/party (which was nothing more then small groups of people standing around, BBQing and drinking). They state that the event has to be on a specific day, but I didn’t know that BBQs had to take place on specific days for the good of the town (suspension of disbelief, I know). Also, for just a moment, there’s a bit of The Mist thrown in there. I’m talking about when the old lady starts yammering about how they’re all being punished by God, and yadda yadda yadda. Needless to say, she actually gets cut off and I’m thankful for it.

The acting ranges from passing to downright abysmal. Jake Suttner (Nick Chinlund) and Claire (Erin Karpluk) play their parts with as much conviction as one could hope for in a straight-to-TV movie. Nick plays the guilt-ridden trucker, Jake, the thought of being responsible for his brother’s death still haunts his mind. Erin plays Claire, the small town cutie who’s the attention of more then one man’s affections and just wants to be happy in life. Everyone else just seems to be there as bait for the wyvern. That said, Wyvern was Don S. Davis’ final film before his untimely death. Those of you who had no lives and watch Sci Fi (SyFy, whatever they’re calling it these days) will remember him as General George Hammaond on Stargate SG-1. As usual, he’s always a blast to watch.

Violence? Yes please. There’s some red stuff here for all the gorehounds, but not enough to satisfy those looking to get their fix coming over from the French horror epidemic. Almost all of the deaths are off screen, but we’re treated to several showers of blood, a tail spike in the stomach, a decapitation (implied), and a severed arm. I will say the sound design was actually very well done, so that when the image on screen cut away from the actual murder you could still tell exactly what was happening (the tearing of bones hasn’t sounded this good on a direct-to-TV movie in a long time).

Wyvren isn’t a film you need to go out and blind buy. If you’re a cheesy Sci Fi flick whore (like I am) you may want to give it a rental, but if you’re looking for legit filmmaking, I’d stay away. Decent acting (from the leads), poor special effects, generic camera shots, an annoying soundtrack, and good sound design leave Wyvren as a shell of the film that it could have been. If you missed that, I’m saying it could have been good but it didn’t turn out very well, at all. Pass.