Ricki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)

Everyone enjoys a good action flick. I don’t care if you’re a gorehound that loves watching zombies tear the flesh off of nubile women while they try to get their freak on with the dumbass boyfriend that was hired to simply lay under the actress while she gyrates in every direction. Maybe you like when the totally undeserving waste of life jerk figures out that his life is meaningless without the simple, small-town girl, that he just bailed on for a night of anal with the hookers down the street. In either case, you enjoy action films once and a while. That brings us to the topic of this review, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky. That’s right. The film’s so badass that they used the main character’s name twice in the title (thanks Edgar Wright for pointing that out). And, while the title may not exactly let the audience know what they’re in for, I can tell you that once you’ve seen Ricki-Oh, you’ll never be the same.

Rating:

Going for the shortest synopsis ever: in 2001 (awesome already) prisons have become businesses and are used to make money. Enter Ricky, our hero who is locked up for a crime he was rightful in committing, and he really just wants to serve his time and be done with it, but the prison guards, and inmates, just won’t let him. That’s it. Now we move into the review.

Let’s just look at everything that’s wrong with this film (and, by that I mean all the parts of the film that make it so amazingly awesome that smaller minds can’t comprehend the incredible skill with which Ricky’s story weaves in their skulls): In a maximum-security prison, prisoners should be locked up, right? Wrong. In this prison, the inmates have free reign to walk around wherever they want. Hell, Ricky walks into the prison yard, at night, by himself, with no handcuffs on to see off a dead prisoner. Opium is supposed to be a secret drug being farmed by the Gang of Four (The four badies) but when Ricky is seen destroying the drugs, it’s in a friggin’ greenhouse in the middle of the prison. Somehow a massive (I’m talking at least two stories tall) crucifix is placed in the center of the courtyard with a man tied to it (Jesus reference. Why? Because they can) trying to get Ricky to fight one of the lead bad guys. Also, Ricky is apparently a master flute player, but can also solo on leaves. Ricky’s sister’s suicide may be one of the most epic suicides in film history (she races up the stairs to get away from bad guys that want to rape her, but as she jumps off the balcony she’s replaces by the worst looking doll/mannequin ever). I could go on for hours, but I want to leave something for you all to enjoy.

Now, to some of you, that may drive you nuts. You may think, “Well, Mikey, come on. That’s retarded. Why would I want to watch such a stupid movie?” After I was done pulling the pencil I jammed in to your eye, I’d respond. “Because you’re adopted.” At which point you’d cry, out of your one working eye, and allow me to play for you one of the most epic B-action flicks of all time. And, afterwards, you’d thank me for letting you keep your one good eye to enjoy the film, and immediately ask that I remove that as to keep the film as the last resonating image until your death. This film is that epic.

I don’t know what else I can really say besides watch this movie, your life depends on it. Blood and guts? Check. Random violence? Check. Asian version of the ending in Dead Alive? Check. The coolest use of a fake eye in history? Check. Ridiculous dialogue? Read on…

Asst. Warden: [Watching Oscar strangling Ricky with his own intestines] You got a lot of guts, Oscar!

Rikki O/Eric: [Covered in the blood of Tarzan] Enough! We’re human beings! HUUUMAAAAN BEEEEIIIINGS!

Warden Cobra: I’m tougher than you think! The warden of any prison has to be the very best in kung fu.

[in American DVD subtitles]

Uncle: You were as strong as a bull, and so I named you Ricky.

Rikki O/Eric: You’ll die mutilated today!

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