The House on Sorority Row (1983)

I tried watching House on Sorority Row once before and turned it off about halfway through. I was so pissed. It’s a slasher, so give me what I’m looking for. Well, The New Beverly Cinema had an all night horror marathon and this was the second film shown that night. Not wanting to miss any films in the show, I decided to stick it out, and boy, was I glad I did. Yes, the beginning is a bit slow, where they try to set up an actual story, but when the acting is this bad you should stick to the simpler things, like blood and boobs. And, they did just that. Right after the film passed the point where I had stopped it earlier the action picked up and the cheesy 80s slasher goodness began to flow.

Rating:

House on Sorority Row follows the story of a group of sorority girls who decide to throw their graduation party in their sorority house. The only problem is that the mean-ass house mother, Dorothy Slater (Lois Kelso Hunt), is not having it. She lays down the law telling the girls they’d better go find somewhere else to have their fun. The girls decide it would be best to put her through a little sorority house prank. The prank goes horribly wrong and Slater ends up dead. The girls decide there’s not enough time, and it would be best to hide the body. From here on out, things start going wrong, and guests and the girls, alike, start ending up dead. The girls try to figure out where the body disappeared to, all the while trying to stay one step ahead of the mysterious figure that’s made his way to their party.

The great thing about a film like House on Sorority Row is that you get what you pay for. There are no surprises. There are no mysteries. There are no twists. Instead of trying to rewrite the slasher genre, House on Sorority Row takes all the usual suspects and puts them in a blender. Cheesy revenge theme? Check. Horrible B-movie acting? You betcha. Gory death scenes? Yes, sir. Random pointless nudity? Oh yeah. House on Sorority Row ranks among the more well done slasher films of the 80s, but the audience needs to remember it’s just that: a slasher film.

I’d like to talk about the girl who played Morgan (Jodi Draige). Who did she sleep with to get a part in this film? In a film with such bad acting it’s really something to stand out for sucking this hard. She only has a few lines, but manages to give them as if she was out drinking the night before. It’s net every film where a girl drinks a glass of water and then exclaims “Water.” On top of that she has one of the worst singing scenes in the history of slashers (I know it’s not exactly common for slashers to have singing scenes, but this was terrible). But, rest assured, the ear-piercing singing is followed by a beautiful death sequence. That said, she was so bad that she was ridiculously entertaining.

As I said earlier the film is chock full of all the cheesy slasher goodness. It’s a bit slow in the beginning, but once the night of the big party hits, the blood starts flowing. The audience is supposed to root for the one brown-haired “nice-girl”, but honestly, the only person worth a damn in the film was the poor scrawny guy. I don’t remember his name, but he’s set up on a blind date with the “nice-girl” and doesn’t even try to be those sleazy guys from all those other slasher films. He is genuinely trying to be nice, and just can’t catch a break. It’s not that the girl is being a bitch, as much as his timing is completely off, and when he offers any form of help it’s immediately rejected.

Overall, House on Sorority Row brings all the necessities of slasher films to life. If you want gore, it’s got some really nice use of a metal tipped cane. If you want nudity, there’s plenty of that. If you want a story, they actually tried to give you one. And, if you want a good time, House on Sorority Row may not be a well polished film, but in a world of daily slashers, this one isn’t a bad way to go.