Barbarella (1968)

I’d love to know what director, Roger Vadim, was thinking when he directed the 1968 cult-classic, Barbarella. Were there drugs involved? Was it made as a vehicle for his ‘then-lover’ Jane Fonda? Were the comic books just as cheesy? I watched Barbarella with no expectations, and lucky for me, every last one of them was met. What I got was probably the silliest outer space flick I’ve ever seen, and it came with a heavy dose of hotness and a smidgen of partial nudity.

Rating:

In the 41^st century Barbarella (Jane Fonda) is sent on a mission by the President of Earth to find a missing scientist, Durand Durand (Milo O’Shea – take a wild guess where the pop group got their name) to the planet Lythion. (I’m going to be dropping a lot of names from this flick, because, well, they’re so much fun.) She crash-lands, for reasons unknown (I know it’s explained but it still didn’t make any sense), and is captured by a group of children who tie her up and torture her with killer dolls (Puppet Master’s got nothing on this one). It doesn’t stop there, oh no, she’s rescued by a fury guy who asks only that she have sex with him for saving her. No problem. He fixes her ship and she’s on her way, but not! Whatever he did fails and her ship falls back to the planet, crashing through the surface and passing into another layer of the world. From here we meet Pygar, the blind angel, The Great Tyrant, a lesbian badass, Durand Durand, who may or may not be a good guy, and Dildano (David Hemmings) who I don’t really know what to say about because he’s very…interesting as the rebellious underground leader.

I’ll say this, the opening subtitles are some of the best I’ve ever seen. Not only does the audience get to watch Jane Fonda do a strip tease in zero gravity, in a space suit, but the words actually move on the screen as if they’ve escaped from her outfit. Yes, as articles of clothing come off, the credits begin to roll. Jane Fonda looks simply stunning and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screen. She was perfect! For the rest of the film, Barbarella wanders around in various states of undress, and her outfits are really hot, in a weird sci-fi sorta way. Fonda’s not the only one that gets topless. Lots of other women get naked throughout the film. Hell, some guys are basically nude. Everyone wins!

Back to the film itself; the story’s cliché as hell. Go get someone and bring them back before something bad happens. It’s something we’ve all seen before, but, not like this. Barbarella’s people (the people of Earth) have forgotten what war is and don’t know how to use weapons. Well, that may be a problem, seeing as The Great Tyrant has no problem killing people and torturing the innocent. Fonda’s innocence wins over just about everyone she meets, and she doesn’t realize it, but soon she has an entire team of backup ready to defend her and over throw The Great Tyrant.

The sets are so 60’s it’s not even funny (but it is). The interior of Barbarella’s space ship is coated with…fur. Yes, it looks like someone sprayed Rogaine all over the walls and floors. I swear, I wondered how she kept it from growing. Did she have to take a few hours every few days to comb it?  I could best describe the film’s look as groovy, and I have a feeling that the labyrinth later in the film may have inspired a similarly titled flick with David Bowie.

In the end, Barbarella is a dumb, fun ride. It’s entertaining from beginning to end, but it’s not going to win any awards. The dialogue is cheesy as all hell, the acting is all over the place, there’s no fancy camerawork to speak of, but I found myself completely infatuated with the film from the get-go. Barbarella is one of those classic B-films that you’ve heard about, but if you haven’t seen it yet, you should. Make sure you drink a bit before watching it (or any other recreational substance – but I’m not condoning it). It might help you get into the proper mindset to watch the film.

Some of the most amazing dialogue in cinema is here for your enjoyment:

Barbarella: What’s that screaming? A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming…

Dildano: The password will be: Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Barbarella: De-crucify the angel!
The Great Tyrant: What?
Barbarella: De-crucify him or I’ll melt your face!

The Great Tyrant: To the Mathmos with this winged fruitcake!

Barbarella: Listen you kids, untie me or I’ll call your parents!

AND…THE EXCESSIVE MACHINE!:

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