I love when nonsensical newspaper articles get made into films. It gives Jay Leno’s Headlines a little hope. I can’t wait to see the “Urine stained mattress - $200 or best offer” movie.

Allow me to continue with my infantile Opposite Day…

JJ Abrams, the world’s greatest hyperbole machine, has partnered with Paramount to bring you a remake of National Treasure a remake of The Goonies the story of a family who moves into a mystery filled Gotham house.

The Fifth Avenue home, described as a giant ’20s-era co-op with Central Park views, was gutted several years ago at the behest of a couple, who later moved in with their four children. An architectural designer who oversaw the rehab job left behind a series of messages, games and treasures, unbeknownst to the family, who eventually unraveled a mystery that featured a poem, a book, a soundtrack and a host of historical figures.

The article, written by Penelope Green, was just published last Thursday. Way to stay on the ball JJ! He will be producing this under his Bad Robot banner, with Maya Forbes and Wally Wolodorsky writing. These two already seem to be a somewhat established team, penning DreamWorks upcoming Monsters Vs. Aliens and the Rainn Wilson starrer The Rocker. My only question is how far into the movie will the stretch marks begin to show…