How do you write a review about a film that is so ridiculous that it really can’t be watched straight?  This is the question I’m pondering as I review Burial Ground.  Judging by my score, I’m guessing a lot of people will think this film is, meh, but they’d be wrong.  I’m trying to judge the overall fun factor with actual talent in film-making.  So, for this film, the score reflects Burial Ground as a film.  A score of 10 is also awarded for the complete lack of common-sense, cheesiness and all around rewatchability The Nights of Terror brings with it.

Rating:

Where to start?  An old guy, who is clearly a professor since we hear that from the characters at least 15 times throughout the film, unleashes a swarm of zombies after entering a crypt.  Of course, the crypt is located on a plot of land directly across from a summer house, where a group of unsuspecting people have arrived to get a little R&R (and T&A).  We meet all of the characters immediately (after some kickass jazz music), and immediately don’t care who will live or die.  Like this one:

Do you care what happens to her?  Probably not.  But, Mikey B, we haven’t gotten to know her character.  Tut Tut.  Looking at this picture gives you the same amount of development these characters are given in the film.  And, it’s so much better for it!

That is, except for the bond between Evelyn and her son, Michael.  This kid wants to be near his mom, and in the worst way.  He walks in on her having sex with his father, he stalks his mother, stares down his dad whenever he gets close, and finally tries to take it to the next level…WITH HIS MOM!  I swear to God that this sh*t actually happens and leads to, what may be, the greatest payoff in entertainment, ever.  The fact that anyone thought this…issue…should be addressed in a ZOMBIE FILM means that this film should be watched by everyone!  By the way, he’s 25 or 30, playing a 10 year old.  Yes, he’s a dwarf!  And, his overdubbed voice sounds like it was done by a girl choking on something…Oh, and this is what the dynamic duo looks like:

This is also the first zombie film I’ve ever seen where the zombies are smarter than the humans.  Well, actually, that’s most zombie films.  I’ll never understand how these people allow themselves to be forced into situations that lead to their demise.  THEY FRIGGIN’ WALK!  Ahem.  So, in this film we see zombies organize into small groups, use devices such as battering rams and sickles, zombies now know how to throw daggers, and their heads shatter like glass with no blood inside.  In this film, we also see, humans that say that to kill the zombies you have to crush their skull, but then proceed to batter a table leg against the zombies shoulders!   You can’t help but root for the zombies in this film (oh, and Michael, his mom’s a MILF!).  

So, to recap:  Plenty of nudity (almost all in the beginning), LOTS of gore (I mean intestines, guts, decapitations, shards to the face, etc), Oedipus story lines, and some of the greatest lines in film history.  Here’s a few to understand exactly where this movie’s coming from.

“Mother, this cloth smells of death!”

“You look just like a little whore, but I like that in a girl.”

“You’re getting a raise out of me alright, but it has nothing to do with money.”

It only gets better from there.  So, what are you waiting for?  Go get it, or I’ll put a bear trap in your back yard…