File this under rumor control right now but according to Ars Technica, producer Steven Paul, who has produced such classics as Ghost Rider and Bratz:The Movie, just finished raising $200 million for five films under his Crystal Sky Pictures banner. The announced films included Castelvania, a sequel to John Woo’s Hard Boiled (didn’t they already make a video game out of that?) and Pac-Man.

Now, Paul Anderson is working on the Castlevania script for Sylvian White (of Stomp the Yard and Trois 3: The Escort fame) to direct. So, that’s low on my give-a-shit-o-meter. A sequel to a John Woo movie which could possibly be an adaptation of a disappointing video game? Eh, whatever. Pac-Man, though, that’s a train wreck waiting to happen. I’m all over that. I know the first question you’re asking yourself is “How the hell could they make a movie out of that?”

Well, according to the article (which is so overly sarcastic I can’t tell whether this plot synopsis is real or a joke)…

P’ak, a powerful warrior from a different reality, is banished to our version of Earth by a traitorous general bent on usurping the throne of P’ak’s world.

Stuck on our planet, P’ak ends up befriending quantum physicist Ernest and his young daughter, as well as developing a romantic entanglement with tribal tattoo artist Pepper. The three eventually help our hero return home, where he ends up saving the day and then bringing Pepper across the dimensional barrier to live happily ever after with him. Apparently, the P’ak is going to be a ripped guy for most of the movie, but his ceremonial armor will be a a close approximation to the round body we know from the video games; “it’ll look kind of like those aliens from the beginning of The Fifth Element.”

This is about as good as that Monopoly movie Ridley Scott is attached to. I wonder if the financiers know what they’re getting themselves into. I’ll keep searching around to find out if this truly is legitimate or not but as of right now, I’d love to see this happen for all the wrong reasons.